How to Talk to Anyone! Jonah Platt’s Proven Method for Connecting With People You Disagree With

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Last summer, I was in New York City working on my musical The Giver. 

And as I like to do when I'm in town alone for business, 

I would often go straight from work to some great downtown restaurant for dinner 

and grab a seat at the bar. 

On one such occasion, I popped into Cosme Restaurant on 21st Street and made my way to an open seat next to a middle-aged blonde woman having a glass of wine.  

Before I had even pulled out the chair, she asked,  "Where are you from?" I said, "California." and she goes,  

"So, you're a liberal?" This was before my ass hit the seat. 

I said, "Yep, I'm Jonah." 

And just like that, we were off to the races. 

We proceeded to have a lovely 2-hour dinner together. 

I mean, we ended up sharing an entree and a fancy bottle of wine. 

She was a 50-something Polish Ukrainian hardcore Republican woman who works in finance. And I am none of those things. 

And yet we had an engaging and wholly pleasant evening 

while disagreeing on just about everything,  

which should be the rule. 

But as we know, in the polarised America of 2024,

it is sadly the exception.  

Upon reflecting on this sorry state of affairs and the great pleasure I have derived from engaging  

face-to-face, IRL with unlike-minded people, 

I thought it might be helpful to identify some of the principles 

I adhere to that allow for positive dialogue with somebody 

whose ideas are in direct opposition to my own. 

And so I'd like to introduce to you my system for productive conversations 

that I'm calling the four C's. 

C number one stands for curiosity.  

This one is probably the most important.  

If you want any hope of success,  

you must enter conversations with a sense of genuine curiosity. 

You have to want to hear  

and understand other people's ideas and ways of thinking. 

Be open to legitimately considering them  

and responding to them thoughtfully.

And here's the kicker, without any agenda. 

I promise you, if you enter a conversation with the sole intent to change someone's mind 

you're not going to have a productive conversation. 

Nobody wants their minds changed for them. 

Though they may be open to changing it themselves based on the ideas you present 

if you do so in an amiable way. 

Again, sans's agenda. 

What your conversation partner really wants is to be heard

to feel that you are sincerely interested in what they have to say.  

Even if you don't budge an inch in your beliefs,  

if they feel you've truly considered what they have to say, it's going to be enough. 

Now, if  this level of curiosity is unnatural for you, 

fake it till you make it. 

I guarantee that at minimum, approaching your conversations in this way 

will set the table for meaningful engagement.  

And to me, that should be the only aim of friendly discourse. 

C number two is calm. 

You must enter the discussion from a dispassionate place of low stakes. 

If you're too worked up, it's already over. 

The fate of the free world does not rest on you making or defending your point. 

I'm not suggesting you can't be assertive or care about the things you're talking about.  

You just can't be aggressive about it or angry 

when the person with whom you know you disagree disagrees with you. 

If the conversation gets heated or tense, 

it's not going to lead to free-flowing or satisfying engagement. Just ain't. 

C number three, camaraderie. 

Allow yourself to be tickled rather than prickled by the outrageous notions of your partner. Laugh, smile,  share an entree. 

Allow your emotional attachment to the subject matter to loosen just for a little while. 

The open, dispassionate sharing of ideas should be a fun exercise in human connection,  

intellectually stimulating and invigorating,  built on a foundation of mutual respect. 

Remember,  you're not trying to change anyone's mind. 

And if it's going well, no one's trying to change yours. 

You're just two people talking. So, be pals about it.

After all, you're here to make a friend, not an adversary. 

And last, but certainly not least, 

C number four, compassion. 

You must be operating from a baseline assumption of shared humanity and good faith. 

That whatever ideas someone may have, 

it is their own life experience that has led them to this point, 

not some nefarious plot or mental health breakdown.  

Be an understanding and attentive listener.  

Look for openings to relate and commiserate.  

Enjoy the discovery of common ground. 

We're all stuck on this rock together. 

This is the crew. So, treat each other like it. 

Now, of course, there are boundaries to all this. 

Of course, there are people with whom a conversation of this nature  

may not be desirable or even possible. 

After all, it takes two to tango. 

But you really can do a lot of the groundwork on your own just by setting the tone, 

paving the way with positivity, warmth, and an open mind. 

All of which cost you nothing.  

At the end of the day, most of us want the same things. 

Security, opportunity, prosperity, the chance for a better tomorrow for ourselves, 

our families, and our communities. Right? Lead from that. 

Now, please, if you find yourself trying out this system in your own life, 

let us hear about it. Shoot us an email or a DM or a comment.  

Tell us how it's going. 

I can confidently confirm that if you come correct to conversations, crazy  

connections can occur. 

Stick to the Cs. 

And who knows, maybe one day soon, you and I too will find ourselves happily disagreeing 

over a bottle of wine and a massive plate of duck carnitas.